


Learning to Love

by ninnie_eats_chips



Series: Asymmetry [6]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Accidental Ear Pleasure, Accidental Stimulation, Au Ra Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Established Relationship, F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Fluff and Angst, Sexual Content, Specific Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), mildly unresolved, post-patch 5.1 setting, romantic and sexual tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninnie_eats_chips/pseuds/ninnie_eats_chips
Summary: She was the heroine that wanted to be wanted, more than she wanted to be needed. And G’raha didn’t need her anymore, not really. The rest would be almost all him whether by design or circumstance, and it would be up to G’raha whether or not to seek her company when she wasn’t seeking his. His work was now completely out of her realm of expertise. Lily could only hope he would take care of himself, and see her when he wanted to.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: Asymmetry [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539757
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Learning to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Jumps back to post-5.1 to do another scene that's been on my mind for a very long time
> 
> There is a lot of fluff, a lot of awkward, and angst. I held all the buttons down on the Flavor machine and made this.
> 
> Content disclaimer-wise..... So there's some non-explicit sexual stuff here, mostly related to the main incident and the fact that there's a bit of tension towards the end. I wouldn't say mildly dubious bc there is a genuinely accidental 'O'. And some humping. It doesn't end like most of my fics do, I'll just say that! This is big Relationship-in-Progress state, as they just got together at the end of 5.0. :^)

Lily had been helping the Crystarium soldiers hunt down a nest of stray Sin Eaters. She had taken her bow this time, feeling confident in her aim, and alongside her companions, had seen the bearlike Eaters and their unborn kin taken care of more quickly than she expected. Which only left her the rest of the afternoon to figure out what to do with her spare time.

Sure, she could pick up her knitting again, she could read, fill the room with harp music, or try to make use of the lovely kitchen her suite provided her with. But Lily had been _so_ used to being made useful (like earlier for the Eaters), that some days it was harder to sit still than others. Some days she would be too anxious about things to be aught but restless. 

And such a restless mind could leave one almost ill-prepared to take a critical shot while staking out a nest of freshly-hatched abominations. _Almost._

Whomever said that heroes didn’t have their off days was a liar. It just so happened that those ‘off days’ would directly correlate with the times that thoughts of a certain man kept Lily more distracted than usual.

Out of concern, the picture of G’raha meddling back and forth with their Nu Mou friend with a dozen tomes in his arms and sizable bags under his eyes would take residence in her mind. Beneath the toil and occasionally sour faces when he didn’t find the breakthroughs he hoped for, Lily knew that G’raha was happy to labor for the cause; this time, to send the Scions home and undo something he was responsible for. He had told her to trust in him, believe in him—and she did _both_. But more so of the latter than the former.

Lily had no doubt he could do it. There was no question to her that he could get it done, after every other fantastical feat G’raha had accomplished. But she wasn’t quite sure yet whether he would just work himself to the bone. The more she put her own body to work sometimes, the more she worried about not setting the right example. Or even worse, not being there when G’raha needed—or _wanted_ her. 

She was the heroine that wanted to be _wanted_ , more than she wanted to be _needed._ And G’raha didn’t _need_ her anymore, not really. The rest would be almost all him whether by design or circumstance, and it would be up to G’raha whether or not to seek her company when she wasn’t seeking his. His work was now completely out of her realm of expertise. Lily could only hope he would take care of himself, and see her when he wanted to.

Still, the Warrior of Darkness did the best to keep her faith. So once she busied herself a little more around the Crystarium, she returned to her room with the intention of having a relaxing afternoon alone.

Lily had lazily perched her bow up against the wall beside her bed and lain the quiver right beside it, spilling a couple of the remaining arrows on the floor. She yawned and stretched, kicked her boots off like she was a kid kicking off shoes filled with sand after a long day of playing along the coast, and simply laid down on her side. She sighed and felt her spine decompress, imagined a trip to Costa del Sol when she returned to Eorzea. She could bring Jaye along next time if she could flag him down, and maybe one day, somehow, she could bring…

**…**

Three semi-firm taps on the door jarred the Auri from a doze she had unwittingly submitted to. Not knowing if it had been five minutes or five bells, she was quick to sit up and rub her eyes.

“W-who is it?” Lily called as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, half-expecting another call-to-arms. If it was for more of the same, she thought, she would politely decline this time.

Instead, there was a somewhat bashful huff as she neared the door that signaled a much more pleasant visit.

“Just myself. Although, I can go if this is a-“ 

Ears twitched, sank, and then perked all at once when she clicked the door open.

“-Bad time?”

“Not at all!”

“May I come in?”

G’raha’s lips turned up into a sweet smile mirroring her own as Lily held open the door for him. He entered slowly and with some grace of the Exarch, although much more casually each time he would walk through the doorway, like he was learning to enter a home that was his just as well as hers. It practically _was._

Just as she started to make for the kitchen, G’raha asked less gracefully, “Er, were you asleep just a moment ago?”

She cocked an eyebrow at him and gave pause before proceeding to retrieve some tea leaves from a tin on an upper shelf so she could put a pot on for them.

“How did you know? Or is that your way of politely telling me I look like a chocobo’s behind?” She threw G’raha a little chuckle over her shoulder to let him know she was joking, but bit her tongue afterwards.

“What? N-no, never, that’s not what I-! I mean, my apologies… And I certainly had no idea you were asleep before I came since I didn’t-“ G’raha lowered his head, scratching in vain at the patch of crystal on his cheek, and muttered almost inaudibly. “...Spy on you this time.”

“Uh- _huh.”_ Lily hid her face by busying herself sluggishly with the kettle.

The G'raha of this day, this _age,_ wasn't committed to making quips back at her. Wasn't used to being on the receiving end of anything but stifling amounts of respect.

She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. After a long awkward silence, she swiveled around to catch the end of G’raha’s fidget and moved closer to him.

“Just so you know,” She started, floating her hand into G’raha’s and tingling inside when his fingers wrapped firmly around hers. His eyes lit up as she finished, “You’re never bothering me.”

He gave a slow blink and they squeezed hands until a flush was creeping across her cheeks.

G’raha had visibly relaxed, at least.

“I _am_ surprised to see you though! What- um, brings you here?”

“Well, Beq Lugg and I continue to make progress in our research. _‘Progress,’_ I say… Though there have been no developments I would remotely refer to as significant as of yet, I thought it would be remiss of me not to keep you apprised.”

As Lily frowned and waited to see if he had more to say, hands lost their grip and slid slowly apart.

“Thank you. I know you’ll get there,” She said, fighting giving too little pause. She wondered if G’raha could catch the curl of her pink brow beneath her fringe.

“Was that all?”

“Ah, _no.”_ He made a funny, almost exasperated noise then, forcing a smile as he shut his eyes.

He still looked tired, the Auri had to note. That her mental image of him, pacing back and forth doing what he could to resist a good night's sleep, had not been horribly far off. A little exaggerated; being that G’raha had nothing under his eyes save his markings, and was otherwise the picture of a spry youth belying his chronological age. 

But he _seemed_ a little lethargic. Like a power nap would do him wonders.

G’raha fixed his eyes on the heating kettle.

“No, I didn’t come here only to talk about our research. Rather, I… How should I put this?”

He was blushing as he touched his chin. That much was clear. Lily paid him a very curious tilt of her head, leaning her whole body into it and lifting her tail in the air like a question mark, which only made the Exarch more bashful. 

She wondered if he’d confess what was on his mind before the water came to a boil.

“I wanted your counsel?” He finally said, hesitantly.

“My _counsel?”_ The indirectness was beginning to feel cold. “What for—?

She could’ve anticipated plenty of things, but a crystal hand cupping her cheek as G’raha brought his lips firmly against hers wasn’t a thing she expected right now. 

Lily closed her eyes and touched that hand on her cheek, like warm glass, and shared a slow and loving kiss. While the teapot began to whistle, they closed the distance, dropped the formality of their meeting and deepened the kiss little by little until they’d savored the taste of one another’s lips and tongue. Something more rare, normally reserved for when G’raha saw her off, not knowing what would befall her in the other world. They’d hardly kissed so deep since their very first.

He didn’t need her at all. But he _wanted_ her, and that was everything.

Among a trade of affectionate blinks, fluttering eyelashes and coy smiles, they had either forgotten the kettle (now screaming behind them), or tuned it out until its rattling back and forth on the stovetop was impossible to ignore. Lily gently pried G’raha’s hand from her cheek in time for an “oh” to escape his lips, and she raced to the stove to rescue the tea.

“I… wished for your company.” The truth came out much more easily while her back was turned. “More than the former, to be truthful.”

She smiled back at him, ears still flicking in the afterglow of their affection. Though he never bothered to pull up a chair and sit, G’raha waited patiently as she finished pouring them each a cup of the fruity blend of tea, bringing them on a silver tray to the table. Lily stepped around to the front of the table then, leaning against it with her hands braced on the surface behind her back.

“You could’ve said so. But that was a really nice kiss.” 

“Heh, forgive me. You could say that after so many years, and after all that has happened, I’m still not used to… _this;_ having someone’s affection. Having _your_ affection. It’s entirely new territory to me, but I treasure it so dearly and I simply don’t want to take you for granted, Lily. Not like I did back then.”

“Raha…” The Exarch smiled his tired little smile about hearing his true name, uttered in an honest and intimate setting. “It’s- it’s okay. We both did.”

“You look a little tired though,” She added, making G’raha’s mouth drop open. Like she wouldn’t notice the drop in energy from the palace.

“‘Is that a polite way of saying I look like a chocobo’s behind?’”

Lilt shook her head back and forth, slightly irritated that he used her words against him just as well as she tended to do to him. Served her right for asking that in the first place.

“No! But I thought I might ask if you wanted to lie down?”

Ears jumped.

“L-lie down? Here, you mean?”

“Well, it’s _your_ city, is it not? And by right that would make this _your room,_ too. So of course you could lie down wherever you wanted. Right?”

It was her turn to give non-straight answers, folding her arms and watching G’raha stumble over them with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.

“That’s simplifying things quite a bit. It’s more complicated because it is _your_ bed. You, my inspiration, who I have spent the better part of my life adoring from afar. I can’t just… _sleep_ _there!_ ” He argued, red as a tomato, as if she’d insisted or insinuated something more.

“Besides, I can assure you I do not need to. My occasional weariness is nothing that can’t be solved through aetherial means—You’re not buying this, are you?”

“Not really.”

Though she could count on everything he said about her to be one-hundred-percent sincere (and the words warmed her heart all the same), she thought they’d grown closer than this. They’d had a wonderful moment on the lake, and fighting side-by-side at the Grand Cosmos, growing so in tune with one another leading up to the ballroom. Unstifling the air; it was a taste of the time they never had. Every battle made them stronger together, more trusting, and the adventure planted a lingering seed of desire that only grew with nurture. It felt like the dynamic between them had changed after that experience, if the kiss from just a moment ago said anything, it was that.

The only thing that blossomed bigger than their love was the tangle of hang-ups, always in the way of true intimacy, it seemed...

Lily had gained some confidence, and she wielded it as she stepped up to G’raha. She was no more than a couple ilms shorter than him, but nevertheless, as his ‘inspiration,’ the Seeker was visibly confronted by her arms-crossed approach, even though she was smiling as she did so.

She pressed her lips against his for another, more chaste kiss.

“You don’t require me to let you in, do you?” 

A slow nod.

“Then you have my express permission to come in here and lie down in my bed whenever you feel tired, whether I’m here or not.”

Whether it was realizing the futility of his argument, or having been moderately seduced by the lips that were ilms away from his chin making him unable to suppress a tiny rumble in his chest, he conceded defeat.

“...Thank you.”

_“And-”_

“And?”

Lily took G’raha by his crystal hand—using her pinky to lock around his, cart him toward her bed and have him sit down on the edge. His pupils followed her diligently as she fetched the tea set, carrying its steaming contents to the bedside table. His behind betrayed him. There was a wiggle; something moving expectantly behind G’raha, underneath the folds of his cowl. 

“Well, I’m here right now.” Lily said more shyly as the tray made contact with the surface. “And I sort of wanted your company too, so…”

She was just as bad at saying certain things when it mattered, she thought. _But this was obvious enough, wasn’t it?_

Instead of explaining further in words, G’raha watched shyly as she sat down next to him on the bed and scooted back even further, offering him her hand, which he took in confusion, at first.

“Oh- _Oh!_ I see...”

Hand in hand, the two of them crawled up on the bed until Lily had situated her head comfortably atop the pillow that supported her horns, and laid on her back. G’raha eyed her up and down for a long time before doing anything. He tried to make certain he was doing exactly what she wanted and hadn’t misinterpreted her offer in any way. She held his hand all the way, until the Miqo’te had wedged his body against her side, giving her one last check before lying his head in the crook of Lily’s chest and arm. 

“Like this?”

She hummed with approval. One furry ear twitched in place before she felt his body relax and melt into her.

It wasn’t long before low vibration turned to a loud purr filling the room. Completely comfortable, she’d never felt anything like it. Never heard anything quite like the noise up close. She pretended that some of the bits of his cowl weren’t a little pokey for the sake of not having him stop or move away. If G’raha would cuddle against her and purr for an hour, even if he never drifted off to sleep, she would be a happy girl. Content to have this affection they both seemed to crave but not known how to articulate.

She squirmed anyway at the risk of dislodging him, finding a slightly comfier position, which only muted the content noises for a moment until they were both relaxed again. Against her chest, G’raha’s eyes had fallen shut.

“Why do you love me so~?” The purr dotted each word, making it hard for him to speak, but was so cute.

Lily took the question as vaguely rhetorical. She felt G’raha smiling when he asked, and demanded no answer when she was silent. In truth, she had no answer to give him that wouldn’t take as long as he had waited for her.

She shut her own eyes and touched the spoken hand that respectfully cradled her side. As if moving on its own, her other hand wandered to the back of her love’s hair and stroked, causing another minor stutter in G’raha’s chest in surprise to the touch, before growing strong again. He squeezed at her side. 

There was something about this that managed to be more powerful than words.

She looked again just to locate the temptatiously soft tufts of red fur around her lover’s ears. Wanting to know what they felt like, she ran a few fingers experimentally over the top of one of them until it flicked. When G’raha didn’t seem to mind, she took the same ear between her fingers and thumb and gave it another light stroke, and then another. Both did a small, pleased wiggle.

“That feels… quite nice. Could you do it some more?”

For a long moment she did nothing but massage his ear, trying different methods, each gentle; stroking from base to tip in one long movement, then rubbing more firmly in little circles with her thumb. Eventually she added in the other.

“So, I thought you might like to hear about the nest of Sin Eaters we managed to take care of today?” She asked absently, having sedated the Exarch to a considerable point.

“A nest?” He murmured.

“I went with Lyna and a few others under her charge, and we located them in Lakeland, not too far from Holminster Switch. We were lucky, I think. We took care of them without any issues.”

Lily paused, then continued her ministrations. There was a long, deep sigh across her chest. 

“Ah… _good,”_ Came G’raha’s delayed response, voice weaker than she had expected.

He went silent after that, leaving her somewhat surprised he had no more questions or comments about the venture. Leaving her to think he must have been _so very relaxed._ The man who’d insisted he didn’t need rest had gone limp on her. So she lowered her voice even more.

“I don’t think they really needed me. The newer recruits are especially just fond of seeing me at work. But I don’t mind helping, if it lowers the chance that someone inexperienced gets injured, or... _turns._ Even with the Eaters all but extinct, I know full well they can still be dangerous. Even though you say I have played more than my part, if I wasn't around when something happened, I would feel...”

Fingers were busy as she trailed off. G’raha made some sort of sound of acknowledgement. Then as she cupped her hands and pressed each ear back against his scalp, rubbing hard, he suddenly went rigid.

“Rah—“

And he _moaned._ Burying his face into Lily’s chest, the previously docile Exarch animated. All of the sudden he had rolled his weight onto her and was rutting weakly at her thigh, keeping one of her hands pressed down on his ear before she could jerk it away. She was frozen as he rocked against her, needy voice turning to a whimper for _“More!"_ Wet mouth closing around the spire of scales that descended down into her top. These were _pleasurable_ cries, she had to realize. And once G’raha’s hips ceased to stutter against her, those cries turned to gasps, which turned to a horrified plea.

“I-I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t think that-! Lily, I—!”

He had rocketed up from her and crept back, a look of shame on his face like she’d never seen before. She was shocked of course, still trying to process what had happened, but after a moment had sat up and tried to reach for him. She kept saying his name, trying instead to apologize for having touched him overmuch without knowing. Each time the words fell on deaf ears, and the Miqo’te withered further toward the foot of the bed before looking to make his escape on shaky legs.

He wanted to _leave._

“No, _don’t!”_ It was all else Lily could think to say, dumb and useless as it was, but she managed to snatch G’raha’s long sleeve as he tried to go. She was torn apart by the shameful tears filling his Allagan eyes when he turned to look down at her on the bed. It was only an accident of both of their makings, and Lily felt that he was humiliated for all the wrong reasons.

“When I said I didn’t want to take you for granted-” He stammered, swallowing. “I didn’t _mean to_... I didn’t know it would be like that, and I should’ve said something sooner but instead I violated you and I cannot undo it—”

“That’s not it!!”

He tried to yank his long red sleeve away, not too hard, not wanting to hurt her. But that only led to the Auri asserting what strength she had and pulling back. If she let him go, he would flee back to his cage of crystal and hate himself, and she wouldn't have it. They could _talk about this._

Either her strength or the fact that she would fight so hard to keep him from fleeing despite what he’d done took him off-guard. Finally, he relinquished control. He let Lily tug his arm back until his bottom met with the mattress. Her only answer… the _only_ answer left to his shame and frustration that she could come up with, was to grab his jaw and kiss him. _Hard._

She turned G’raha’s head toward her, cupped his cheeks firmly in each hand, and slipped her tongue into his mouth. It wasn’t difficult to gain entry. She was on her knees. He opened up to her easily, and let her climb into his lap for an equally passionate kiss. Equal with love, equal with _want_ _and desire_ for one another. She only proved that, and showed her forgiveness by tasting stray tears, wiping away more from the corners of his eyes while he squeezed her hips.

“I love you,” Lily promised, looking down from her perch over his lap. “You’re… sensitive. It’s okay.” She pushed out a chuckle, then repeated, “I love you, Raha. Just as much. Please, _don't_ run away from me.”

With his spoken hand, he tenderly touched the scales on her cheek, then ran his fingers through the soft, blush locks that framed her face.

_“Gods._ You have my sincerest apologies. I never meant for it to be like this…” G’raha flushed, leaning into her palm, and she could only guess what he meant by that. 

_Their first time? Did he want a first time?_

“I love you. Deeply. Sincerely. It was… sudden. I feel that I was an animal to you, and I’m still trying to do everything in my power to learn how to love you. Hiding away and concealing and telling half-truths has ever been my way. I do not want that life for myself anymore. I..."

Swallowing a knot in her throat, Lily pushed down the empathy for another moment in favor of comforting, being very careful to stroke the hairs away from her lover’s forehead to kiss his brow. 

G’raha drowned in her every touch, and he drank deep of the smallest affections like these, like he would never get more of them. At one time, it was true. For him to find his pleasure among them after a century of going without, it wasn’t a hard thing to believe. 

To believe he was some sort of selfish mastermind using her for his personal benefit, on the other hand? One would have to have selective amnesia and forgotten everything that was G’raha Tia to believe _that._ Lily scoffed at the state of her mental faculties at the time. Not now, though. The wool was away from both of their eyes.

G’raha paused, sighed, huffed a pitiful laugh as she finally let him go. He sniffled once and began to regain his image as the staunch leader of the Crystarium, and less like someone who had needs. Aside from the way his lips looked when they pressed together.

_“Sensitive,”_ G’raha seemed to want to balk, but couldn’t deny it. “For lack of better wording, I suppose I am,” He admitted, while ears lopped at the back of his head.

He kept his head hanging low, silver fringe shielding his right eye, until picking it up once more when he heard silverware clanking inside china. When Lily offered him the cup, he held out his hands and took it with a word of thanks. In the meantime, she took her own and began sipping beside him with her legs crossed. Wondering when he'd go.

She was feeling selfish. He would probably want to clean up soon.

She flicked the tip of her tail up along the base of his spine, beneath G’raha’s robes. Recovering ears responded in kind. So did the twitch at his backside. _Too many layers_ atop that tail that she so wanted to twine with, like back then. That would have made the situation just a little bit better. 

It was a way of trading warm (or bitter) goodbyes.

After a couple minutes had passed, G'raha inevitably stood up and deposited the half-empty cup onto the tray.

“Thank you for the tea, my dear. And… for your company.”

_‘And your heart. And your honesty. And your forgiveness,’_ His soft smile seemed to say, lips still reddened from the severity of her mouth.

She followed him to the door where they wordlessly decided that kissing would be inappropriate, after the heat from their last had quelled. Green eyes lingered on red and vice versa. Words hung in the air without taking form. They simply grinned at one another and expected something to be better.

G’raha reached for the door handle in slow motion.

“Raha?”

“Hm?” He looked over his shoulder and waited her to finish, keeping everything between them private before opening up the door. Once he did, all of their intimacy would fly out of the room. He would only be the Crystal Exarch again, and she, Lilium, The Warrior of Darkness.

Her mouth felt so dry.

“...Please come back soon. I-I want you.”

“I want you, too. I always have.”

* * *

Close to a week later, nursing an ache to see ruby eyes smiling at her as she talked, the Auri was left with an anxiousness over how things had gone the last time they were together. She was left to wonder how G’raha had been faring at the Crystal Tower, and had been too busy journeying along The Empty to even get nosy and ask him that question herself. 

_Would he want to see her? Or was distance better for him? Was it just easier that way?_

It was good to be busy at times to keep such thoughts from taking precedence, but the habit of simply _wondering_ died hard, it seemed.

When Lily unlocked the door to her suite and entered, her eyes lined up with some sort of fruitcake on the dining table. It was often that the suite manager delivered random gifts for her deeds, or proxied to her what some adoring citizens of Norvrandt were too shy to hand her themselves. However, this time she didn’t have to assume for long whom the giftee was.

Catching a flash of red and white, Lily tiptoed around the divider to find him lying peacefully in bed on his side. Outer layers of his cowl neatly folded in the desk chair, the faintest breathing rang to her horns and filled her with solace.

**Author's Note:**

> I was just gonna mention that the end bit happened somewhere in the future but I HAD to tack it on here. I'm weak. It hurt me too much not to put just a little bit of resolution, that's just not my way. *lies down*
> 
> Luckily, they uh. Overcome it soon after. If you know what I mean. Cause they're much better now. :)
> 
> (title is horrible & corny tho I couldn't think of anything else yikes)
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
